[Tokyo] – Consternation and disbelieve among Japan’s citizens today after the Japanese TV show “Nep & Imoto’s World Rankings” aired a ranking that has been widely described as “unacceptable” and “highly regrettable”.
The TV show “Nep & Imoto’s World Rankings” conducts surveys to rate countries by various properties, from the amount of divorces to the average amount of time fathers spend with their children. However, last weeks ranking caused a tsunami of complaints from the otherwise quiet and apathetic Japanese.
The problematic ranking focused on the average length of intestines of people from 39 countries. Japanese came in 15th with an average length of about 786 cm, which can be describe – at best – as average. To add insult to injury, South Koreans ended in 13th place, with an average length of 791 cm, a full 5 cm longer than the average Japanese intestine examined by the TV show producers.
A well-known politician, who wished to remain anonymous, commented that “these results are 100% contrary to the widely accepted view that Japanese intestines are significantly longer than those of other people”. When asked about possible bribery of the TV station by South Korean officials, our source stated that he thought such bribery highly likely, and that he would advice during the next Diet session assigning a committee to investigate a suitable date for organizing a discussion panel for arranging a team of experts for analyzing the case in more detail.
In an opinion poll of 1000 Japanese, age 25 to 45, an amazing 82.3% of the respondents answered that this issue should be top priority for the coming Diet sessions, followed by the investigation of the safety of nuclear power plants build on top of fault lines (4.5%) in second place, and constructing permanent housing for ten thousands of evacuees from the Tohoku area (3.7%) in third place, respectively.