[Tokyo] – A representative of the Japanese Olympic Committee has caused a rough awakening for many Japanese from the euphoric festivities following the decision that Tokyo will host the 2020 summer Olymics.
During a two hour press conference, Igarashi Taro (58), representative of the Committee, explained to the Japanese people the true nature of the Olympic Games, causing nation-wide upheaval and confusion. “Fellow Japanese, I have a confession to make”, Igarashi explained. “I know that most Japanese are convinced that the majority of participating athletes are Japanese, but this is not true”. He blamed the confusion on decades of biased reporting by the Japanese media, which traditionally only report Japanese successes, ignoring disciplines in which no medals are won by Japanese athletes.
Asked whether this meant that many foreigners can be expected to visit Tokyo to attend the Games in 2020, Taro admitted that “yes, it is regrettable, but true”, adding that all Japanese will have to make an effort. “Some people might want to consider moving to other cities before the start of the Games”, he suggested.
Prime Minister Abe, known for his strong dislike of inferior hominids, denied that he has purposely kept the participation of foreign athletes a secret for the populace. “I did not lie to anyone. I just did not tell the whole truth”. Abe has called for a general effort to make the Games as enjoyable as possible for all.
As a gesture of his goodwill, Abe added that he will try to cause any diplomatic crisis possible with China and South Korea, in order to “maximize the chances of a boycott of the Games by those countries”.